The weather seems to be having another one of those indecisive days- am I sunny, warm, bright, or am I rainy, dull, stormy- hey I will just be an intermittent mix of all sorts!
I've been sat in all day today so far as I'm feeling pretty unwell, and a little similar to the indecisive weather. One minute I feel OK and get up to do something or think right I better get on with some planning, invoicing, maybe even a little asana practice. The next I just want to lie in bed and sleep. I'm trying to find the happy medium today of doing little and necessary bits, but also allowing my body and mind to rest- as clearly they are telling me that's what they need.
I've also been reflecting on the past few weeks of not feeling fully well, and ways in which I could take even small but conscious and mindful steps to ensure the best health of my mind, body & soul. Some of these are lets say practical- drinking more water, making sure I'm eating regular and nutritional meals. Whereas some are more energy based shall we say- what and who am I spending my time with, dedicating my internal and external energy to.
The body can be sensitive to what you put in it (food, drink, including what is used on the skin/ hair etc). I personally believe and feel I am super sensitive to also what energy I allow around me, and to be part of me (including my own thoughts, distractions, where my mind is at).
Just as your body might "reject" certain foods you put into it by way of allergic reaction, sickness- for me I felt recently I was experiencing a rejection and awareness through my body of a certain situation, a persons energy, and that this wasn't good or healthy for me to be around or involved in. This manifested as a pretty intense and upsetting rash over my body. A friend confirmed my thoughts and shared some information about a quite literal reaction to someone getting "under my skin" or penetrating my boundaries in a way that did not sit well with me could be said rash- very interesting! And this is what I felt in my heart was happening.
I was aware that a situation had taken up far too much of my head space, and not in a positive way. What I hoped to achieve was communication and resolution, but sometimes its healthier for our physical and emotional wellbeing to just accept a certain person/ people/ situations are not necessarily good or healthy for us, and we can walk away in peace. This isn't ignorant, rude, cruel- its putting ourselves and our wellbeing first, which is absolutely paramount. Even more so in a role where we are guiding and healing others, and often offering a lot of our energy to them.
Having finally felt more peaceful about the situation, and the reaction on my skin slowly starting to leave I am disappointed and frustrated this week to once again not be feeling myself. But I also feel I know deep down what this is- lack of sleep because I currently have a lot happening in my mind- future plans, current schedule, and just general day to day stuff. I also realise I haven't actually taken a proper holiday this year and have vowed this is something I will schedule first in my diary for next year and will be none negotiable- after all you can't pour from an empty cup!
It could also most certainly be a reaction to antibiotics in my system- as I am super cautious of anything I use and ingest, opting where possible for natural solutions. Admittedly being ill has also frustrated me and made me reflect more as I eat healthily, use cruelty free and vegan products (following a vegan lifestyle), I exercise regularly, I avoid caffeine, don't regularly drink alcohol. But all this shows for me the depth and intensity of mind body connection- we can take all these "healthy" steps but often emotions and mental wellbeing manifest physically regardless of all this.
My body and mind are telling me to take a little rest today, perhaps take it slower for the rest of this week. Slowing down is hard for me- but right now I physically feel this is what I need, and also mentally allowing myself some space, perhaps through meditation, writing things down to get them off the brain and onto paper are steps I can take. Organising and prioritising and this doesn't just mean work, but priorities- and making myself one!
Boundaries have been a tricky one for me over the past few years, especially since the time I am aware I completely allowed another human to not only cross them but completely obliterate them! Speaking out when I feel someone has crossed these is important to me- in a compassionate way of course and often a factual way rather than being ruled by my emotions, however although we can speak our truth people can only meet us as deeply as they've met themselves. If necessary we walk away (literally or figuratively), if that's whats best for our health.
I'm of course not saying by the above that we should be emotionless robots, but often our emotions or the emotions that others project onto us are not necessarily close to the reality of a situation, or can act to distort and rule us rather than allow us to take a more objective view. We can all, and will all have done it at some point- but taking that time for self awareness, self study and reflection- Svādhyāya, can allow us a more objective, calm and controlled view and outcome during many situations.
I've also learnt and reflected on the fact that for some humans there still seems to be a misconception that confrontation is an angry, argumentative place, and for you to confront a situation equals you are being mean or a bully. I'm not at all saying this isn't the case in some circumstances, but for me confrontation is the act of confronting something- opening up a dialogue, in a compassionate and truthful way, in hope to resolve something. But again, we can only meet people as deeply as they have met themselves.
Confrontation or confronting a situation needs calm, truthfulness and authenticity on both sides. It often shines a light onto our own or others behaviour and we have to be able to look at this, on perhaps a deeper level than emotional reaction, which can include blame, projection, distortion.
It's been an interesting few weeks, months even. Add into the mix the powerful energy of retrogrades, lions gate and some pretty intense lunar activity and I can't say I'm surprised to be feeling reflective and also like I need a rest- how are you feeling? Have you experienced anything similar? I would love to hear from you!
A reminder to:
- drink lots of water
- eat nutritional foods
- get to bed early (work in progress for me)
- have and more importantly uphold healthy boundaries
- don't feel bad for walking away from people or situations that disturb your peace
- LOVE & PRIORITISE YOURSELF
Until next time...
Namaste, K x