Updated: Apr 23, 2019
Well it's been a while since I posted (understatement), and I'm sure I mentioned somewhere in a previous post about writing more often- oops! I suppose there has been a mixture of reasons that I haven't written a new post; the age old lack of #time, lack of #energy, and maybe a little lack of #inspiration- and I'm a believer in not forcing things but rather letting them #flow naturally when it feels right (convincingly got out of that one right)?!
If I'm honest the start of the year brought with it a real mixture of highs and lows and I guess this has had an effect on my want and willingness to sit and write. I also for a short while let the lows overwhelm me. Despite what is often popular belief even Yoga teachers get overwhelmed, as we are also #human and don’t float around on this great cloud of Nagchampa scented #Zen- if only!
However, I read somewhere years ago that within every situation no matter how hard, there lies a lesson or a #blessing- the key is to find it. Sound advice I would say, and words that I have tried to live by, and remind myself of in more challenging situations.
After I became a qualified #Yoga teacher I made the transition into working part time as I felt that I needed this level of stability, mainly in terms of income, as I gently started to navigate my way into the big teaching world (which is a lot more scary than you may think- but that’s for another post)! However, despite working for a well known #health and #wellbeing company the job really was ironically anything but good for my health and well being. I won’t bore you with the details and to cut a long story short, I resigned!
In a short time given what I experienced it was quite easy for me to feel real negativity towards the company, but as much as this really was a negative experience pretty much from start to finish I can take something from it. I tried it, it didn’t work out, so it wasn’t for me, and I made the decision to leave which has so far worked out for me, and more importantly been a huge weight off my mind.
Maybe I needed this #experience to help me clarify that yes my #passion is Yoga #teaching and that’s what I need to focus on and move forward with, and not allow something else to take over my time and #energy- as we all know it’s exhausting #mentally and #physically battling constant negativity. I can’t deny it’s scary to take a leap of faith away from the stability of being employed, but if it doesn’t make you #happy you know what, as cliche as it is- life is too short!
That leads into my other ramblings (oh joy I hear you say). Life really is short, and things can change in an instant. I know I can be guilty of not realising and #appreciating this, but when a close relative became very suddenly ill at the beginning of this year it really made me step back and reflect. It’s ironic as me and my family had always joked that she was small but strong as an Ox and would be going for years- apparently not. Caught a cold, went bad, within a week she had passed away. But even in death I think there can be lessons for us to learn, and a truly sad situation can be a reminder of the #blessings in life we may sometimes forget.
I’ve also learned another valuable lesson to do with the people and change in my life this year. Well if I’m honest it’s an ongoing thing for me- giving too much or not understanding how I can be there for people sometimes when nobody else was, and then when I’m experiencing some lows they literally disappear off the face of the planet! Is it because they don’t want to have to listen to some of the lows I’m experiencing? Maybe they’ve forgotten that I was there for them when they were low because they are feeling high at the moment? Maybe the main lesson here for me is that I should just stop trying to psycho analyse people who I thought I knew and accept the fact that if I feel I have been a good, #compassionate and #kind person but this hasn’t been reciprocated then it’s time to just let go?
But today, (by the way its Friday 23rd February 2018, as there is every chance it may take me a week to finish this blog EDIT: looks like a week was a bit optimistic)! So it WAS Friday 23rd February, the #sun was shining, I was packing away my things to move to a new flat and maybe the process of clearing space and organising gave me some #space and #clarity in my mind to think about writing. I also spent the previous weekend in Brixham, and being by the sea always has such a positive and #calming affect on my mind.
So now on 12th March as I come back to this I can’t really remember what the point of this blog really was? Was there any point at all? Maybe it was more of a “dear diary” kinda thing and almost therapeutic to write things down (or type as the case may be) and then allow myself to move forward from the negative aspects at the start of the year, and refocus on the positives. Yes, that sounds good, I like that.
And you know there really have been positives. I’ve focused more on my teaching, and though that has also been a mix of #emotions I still get this amazing high from teaching and feel so lucky to call this my job. I’ve met some new people through my teaching, and continued to work with some truly wonderful ones. I’ve moved into my own space with my partner, which again has had its challenges, but overall has had such a #positive impact on us both. I’ve spent more time with my family, I’ve stayed in contact with close friends (as best as I can- not one of my strongest points sometimes if I’m honest), and more importantly realised who, and how important these people are in my life.
I guess the moral of the story (if there needs to be one)? really is that s*£t happens, that’s life. BUT sometimes it’s the way we choose to respond to these situations, and our perception that really is the most important thing.
Until next time...